remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
