i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Damn victory sex feels great
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
