I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
