You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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