I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
