I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
