Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He felt like a one man threesome
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
