If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
