3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
