cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
