I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize