i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
