There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
