just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize