My liver just broke up with me...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
