Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
