We're facebook friends in real life
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I need moral support for this bender
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
