Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
