I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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