Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
