Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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