I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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