I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I could make wine with my vomit
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
