Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
