I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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