Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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