its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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