I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
