Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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