How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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