overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
