well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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