He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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