I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
