How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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