I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
