I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
