You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
