whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
