i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
