That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
