they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
