took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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