One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
