I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Less talking, more tequila
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
