dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
