Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
