a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
