The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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