I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
