3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
