Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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