I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
