i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize