i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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