she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
