Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
