we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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