I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
